I became unglued last night. It involved a disappointment but rather than let it have its name, I allowed all sorts of fears, judgments, and projections come into my head. It resulted in my losing sleep on both ends – in the falling into at night and returning from this morning. I added the hours. I slept four.
This morning I talked things over with my husband and did some journaling. I realize that I had lost my “serenity spot”. (I just now gave that little place inside of me this name.) My serenity spot is a place where judgment and projecting disappear in a fog and the only thing real is what is up close in the moment, here and now. It is the place where I can “give it all to God” (though I might take it back later). It is where consciousness lives. I am talking about a consciousness of what is happening right now, observing a situation and my own reactions in it. But there is another kind of consciousness that is higher, even cosmic. It is an awareness or trust that there is something bigger going on that I am not privy to. I may be feeling chaos but there is something going on in another realm. One might call it a “higher purpose”. When I am in this place, I am able to trust that God is in the trenches doing God’s work.
The serenity I experience when I go to that special spot is fuller if I realize this important truth. I am just one player, one participant in a community. No matter what is going on in my life, it isn’t all about me.