Ego Taming

This is exactly what I wrote in my journal this morning:

Gotta quit using my journal to write my blogs. This journal theoretically holds my secrets – attitudes and feelings and thoughts that I do not want to share with others. But (yikes! I am thinking about blogging even this!) as I open to the new freedom in my  life, I no longer need secrets. Discernment – yes. I need to realize that some sharing of myself could harm another, at least in the moment. I may have to hold on to my thought for another time, either to marinate it or until the person of concern is ready to hear it.

Sharing of myself or not sharing was once about me – protecting my ego, preserving a self I felt needed protecting. It mattered what people thought of me. My ego has been tamed. Except when it comes to my hair.

Suddenly I identify with Samson whose strength was in the hair on his head. Remember? That is how Delilah got him to submit – she cut off his hair and he suddenly became a slithering worm of a man.

I have blogged about my hair. I want my hair to reflect an image of myself as a wise woman but more often I look like a witch (no offense to any witch who might be reading this).

I stopped in a beautician’s shop recently to pick up a donation for the fundraiser coming up soon. My former boss was sitting in her chair having her hair done. I said hello to her. She said hello-how-are-ya but with hesitation as though she wasn’t quite sure who I was. I left the shop with a lovely hair care basket and slid into my car to continue my donation pick-ups. I glanced at myself in the mirror on my sun visor. The Wicked Witch of the West looked back at me, minus the nose warts (I am post menopausal) and my face is not green. A nest circled my head as it does in the winter when I take my hat on and off, but you would think I would be sensitive to the fact that I might be seen by a hair-management expert and my hair-perfect former boss.

So I take back what I said earlier – my ego is not tame after all. It still will bite me in the butt. I have a ways to go on this freedom walk.