Not Knowing

I am heading out for a retreat tomorrow. I will probably bring my computer but I can’t promise that I will blog. Not that there won’t be things to write about.  This is not a retreat of the silent kind that I have been accustomed to in the past few years. And I don’t think it is the going to be a great soul-searching experience though I could be dead wrong. This retreat is part of an ongoing program at the Episcopal House of Prayer in Collegeville, MN, called “Wisdom School”. It looks to me as a study retreat and we attendants have already been sent a copy of the Letter of James. I have read James’ letter in the bible but I am absolutely sure that after this retreat I will understand it in a whole new light.

Or will I understand? That is the question.

I love learning. The biggest breakthrough in my capacity to learn came when I was able to let go of old beliefs. It is not an easy thing for a person to come to. To say (and mean it) “I don’t know” can be one of the most difficult things in the world.

I don’t know what is the right thing to do in a given situation.
I don’t know if there really is an absolute.
I don’t know what it means to say that Jesus was divine.
I don’t know if any church or religion is the right way to God.
I don’t know if there is a way to avoid sickness or poverty.
I don’t know if there are any political answers that could ever work.
I don’t know what goes on in the heart of a person – any person.
I don’t know what sin is or even if the devil exists.
I don’t know what tomorrow will bring or what yesterday offered.
I don’t know how to get rid of my character defects.
I don’t know how to say “I am sorry” and not expect an apology in return.
I don’t know if my insights about anything is really the way things are.
I don’t know how to change people’s beliefs.

It may sound like I don’t know anything. Actually, I do know that I just wrote a blog. I think I will post it. I don’t know if anyone will read it. I don’t know if anyone will like it or care what I wrote or if it will change them in any way.

Pray for me this week. I may come back not knowing even more than I don’t know now…a sign of growth, I think.

3 thoughts on “Not Knowing”

  1. I think that you may meet a kindred spirit with the same ‘I don’t know’s’ as you.

    Can’t wait to hear how it went girlie.

    1. Thanks, Cathy. I know you are a “not knower”, too. That makes me wonder how it is that when we are together we have so much to talk about.

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