Waffling Thomas

Jesus’ disciple, doubting Thomas, came to mind this morning. He said once, “I believe. Help my unbelief.”? What a dumb thing to say! I mean, which is it, Thomas? Do you believe or don’t you? They should call you “waffling Thomas”.

I used to think that one either trusts God or one doesn’t. But if I am to be honest, that is not at all how my life has gone. Sometimes I’ve had to talk myself into believing, because everything in me tells me that God has taken God’s eye off the ball. Sometimes, it is easier to believe God isn’t even there than believe he doesn’t care. Often I have to “act-as-if” someone is in control of the universe or I will despair.

What I need to believe,
what I want to believe, is
that love will win out in the world,
that evil will be overcome by good,
the humble and gentle and lowly will be lifted up,
the proud and self-righteous will come to know the truth of the harm they yield,
the poor will clothed and fed,
children will be safe,
seekers will find what they are looking for,
the sick cared for,
wars will come to an end.

It is hard sometimes. It feels like I am believing in a fairy tale.