Feeling troubled about a relationship yesterday, I went about my usual morning practice of reading from the meditation books I use each day.
The first one told me this: “When a …situation becomes really desperate, and we think we just can’t go on another day living in uncertainty, fear, deprivation, and general misery, we may decide to take action. That’s good. But what action? So much depends on taking the right course. Let me consider: Is my present frame of mind, whether of anger, bitterness or confusion, one in which I can make a wise choice? Have I yielded too readily to friendly advice, well-meant, but based on only limited knowledge of all the factors?” (from One Day at a Time)
The second one: “Secrets diminish self-respect; they foster paranoia, and they make it impossible to have honest and open communication. Self-disclosure cleanses us; but an even greater benefit is that a commitment to it triggers careful forethought, and a needless or perhaps hurtful action can be avoided.
It takes only a moment to reflect on the possible ramifications of an intended action. And that moment’s reflection can save us from apologies, shame, and embarrassment. Being committed and prepared to inform others of all that we are nurtures the growth of our better selves. No greater encouragement for self-improvement exists than the decision to share absolutely all.” (from The Promise of a New Day)
The third reading: “A woman said at a meeting: ‘Last night the phone rang, and by the time I hung up, I was crazy. So I said a prayer, turned it over, and was free to enjoy the next three hours until dinner time.’ The next day, driving to work, I noticed my mind racing over and over on the same problems. I said, ‘God, take this problem from me, and don’t give it back unless I need to do something about it.’ It was hard to trust God to give it back if and when I needed to act on it, so I said ‘I trust you, God.’ God took it, and I was free to enjoy my ride. I have done that many times since then, and I don’t think God has given very many of those problems back to me. They must have solved themselves. What freedom!”
(from Voices of Recovery)
So there was my guidance:
Don’t act out of your anger or frustration; wait.
Talk to a trusted friend.
Give the problem to God.